Ok so the new blog isn't quite ready, in the mean time and bucking my own plans here is my first blog for some time. When the new blog is up and running, #secretblogplans will kick into action. Thanks for coming back.

You didn’t notice my eye-brows

You didn’t notice my hair

You didn’t notice I hoovered

You didn’t notice my top

You’ve been quiet today

You didn’t put your shoes away

You’ve not told me you love me today

I cooked but you’ve not done the washing up

You didn’t hold my hand

"Darling;

I always notice but some days I haven’t the words to describe how beautiful you look

I have been quiet today but it’s only because I can’t find the words to tell you how amazing you are

I didn’t put my shoes away because I was too busy looking at you

I didn’t do the washing up because I was still savouring the love you give to me

Sometimes I can’t just hold your hand, sometimes I just want to stop and hold you.

Darling;

I promise I will be better, I promise to do more and to talk more and to love you more

When I’m silent it is because there aren’t enough words in the English Language to describe how much you mean to me and how lucky I am to have you"

It occured to me after posting my blog last night that the blog had become something I hadn't intended it to. The original point was to write about life being a weekend dad, how I cope with being apart from the most special person I know. It has lost its way. 

Then this morning, something was mentioned on Radio 2 by Chris Evans about today being pancake day and that tomorrow is the start of lent, a time when many people will try to give something up and in my early morning mind I started to think- what should I give up? It realisticly should be smoking but I'm not ready to do that yet.

So feeling rather meloncholy I've decided to stop blogging. 

The most interest in posts put up have been about my love life, or lack there of. It has amused and annoyed people in equal measure. Thinking about the blog made me think about how I write, what I write and why. I have written double the amount of blogs I've posted. Some have been posted and then deleted, some have been written and sent for proof reading and then have not seen the light of day.

As I had no plan, no strategy when I started blogging being so honest about it and it open about being me has been a block to writing rather then an aid. I think there is great weight to be given to a blogger who shows their real identity but that said it does prevent total and complete honesty. 

There are also other things I should be doing, last night I blogged, I should've been putting washing up to dry and putting another load on, hoovering or just plain relaxing but I didn't instead I plugged myself into music and wrote. 

I wouldn't say it took over my life but there are other things I should be doing, I also got far too interested in views of my blog, re-tweets and comments. Which wasn't why I started the blog, the reason for the blog was to give my experience of coming out the end of a longterm relationship and maintaining a relationship with my daughter. In the hope that someone who was starting this process would take support and hope from someone that was finishing it. 

Plus I have a book I want to write and I should be focusing my creative juices on that. 

So readers for lent, at the very least, I am hanging up my pen, so to speak. It'll be interesting to see if I manage it and whether or not I'll come back after lent and in what guise. 

Finanlly thank you for reading, your comments, tweets and support have been immense and I have been deeply touched.

Happy pancake day. 

Oli

It has been over a week since I unleashed the sale of me on to the un-suspecting inter-web and to be honest I was gob-smacked with the response, comments, views and re-tweets and I genuinely believe I made some people laugh. This for me was mission accomplished. Yes of course there was hope that Miss Right would pop up out of the Social Media forest. Deep down I never really believed it would work and whilst there still is time, I don't think that aim will be achieved. 

The sale of me was just a different tact on an age old problem of finding a bit of happiness with someone. I am pretty happy with life as it is, for sure there are things I would’ve down different over the years but in mistakes we learn and by learning we grow. As happy I am with me, I do find being single crap. Will I rush into anything just to have someone, no I won't but that won't stop me looking. 

So what am I looking for? It’s difficult to say but in a nut-shell I am looking to enjoy my life with another person. Yes I enjoy it with my friends and I enjoy it with my family but that will never replace the feeling of cuddling up with someone on the sofa, that gentle kiss good-bye in the morning or the welcome home hug.  There is nothing more depressing then nuking that microwavable meal for one, this is a fact. 

I fell in love at University but I never grew up past my Uni years until about 12 months ago, in that time I had become a father, a homeowner and a bank manager. I had as my mum described grown up in a vertical line. Now in a position where I am mature enough to understand the complexities of being an ‘other half’ and to be blunt craving the tenderness of a beautiful women, I can’t find it for love nor money (bad use of words for this type of blog I know). Some will argue I am looking too hard, it’ll happen when it happens blah blah blah.

Despite the last blog, I actually can't sell myself very well and in essence when we date, you are in effect selling yourself. Ironically my job is to sell and it has been since I entered the professional world and I would say it is and has been overall a successful career to date. I would class myself as a good communicator, a people person, someone who believes and actively builds relationships. I always look for common ground with someone; I am – most of the time- interested in other people and their lives. This however, does not always translate well in my personal life, I can clam up, use humour to deflect and have been known on occasions not to vocalise my feelings very well, if at all.

Since the end of my relationship with ‘A’s mum this has to an extent been magnified, although the lessons I learnt from failing within that relationship have come back in different guises. The biggest challenge I have with myself today, is keeping my expectations low in order to prevent any damage. The recovery process from that relationship is pretty much complete but will only really be tested if or when someone special walks in to my life.

The greatest loss that I feel on a daily basis is the loss of a unit, I have tweeted and written about the pain of taking my daughter back home to her mum and it is unlikely this will ever get easier, you just learn to cope with it. Whilst Me, J and A never really had a sustained family unit existence we just weren’t there enough, I still have a yearning for it. A yearn for the clichéd relationship, like the one you see in the movies (hence the title of this blog). Now I am an intelligent man, I am not stupid enough to believe that movies reflect real life but that doesn’t stop the mind drifting off in to an idealistic world.

Moving on with this theme, my two favourite movies of all time are:

High Fidelity (before anyone asks, no I haven’t read the book and no I don’t intend to) and

Almost Famous

Now apart from both these movies having amazing sound tracks they are both also predominantly about love. One is about the after math of a relationship end, the review of all serious relationships prior and the other about love of music and how 3 people weave their way through the emotions of love for one another.  Of course this is my opinion, others will seem them differently but this is what they mean to me. High Fidelity is actually my ‘break-up’ film, combined with The Carpenters greatest hits- this is how I deal with the end of something. To the point where my mum has banned me from listening to the Carpenters for longer than 24 hours (it’s her fault mind, she introduced me to their music).

There are many other films I could blame for my idealistic opinion of what I long for and some TV shows who deserve to know how they have ultimately warped my over-active imagination.  

However, the point to this blog (which to be honest I have struggled to find when reading back), is that we all have hopes, dreams and expectations and sometimes these will not be met. Sometimes they will, I have achieved many dreams, have realised some hopes and met expectations, others are still to follow.

So for my final note in which I admit has been a rather down-beat blog is to those of you out there who have that other half. Do me a favour,  give them a hug,  give them a kiss tell them you love them just because. Forget the toilet seat was left up, ignore the spending spree in Debenhams on the credit card, do the washing up together, once you’ve put the kids to bed try not to flump on the sofa and play some cards instead do whatever but most importantly be excellent to each other (sorry couldn’t resist a Bill & Ted quote).

Keep the dream alive, so fools like me can keep believing.

Ol

 

Everyone has seen the car-crash TV program that is "Take me Out" on ITV right? 

After being forced to watch it by my housemate the other evening it got me thinking.... should I? 

That thought thankfully didn't last long with a categorical "Hell Nooo" but it did spur on another thought, how does this dating game in 2011 work? I have done speed-dating, online dating and allowed friends to set me up, none of which have worked yet.

The "how does this dating game work" thought lead me to a decision, traditional and not so traditional ways of meeting people are not working. And I am a person who believes in changing something if it is not working, trying a different path. 

So Blog readers, I am presenting you with a call-to-action - You will note an 'advert' about me below and based on this blog and the info below I am asking you to go out there and find me a date, lets make a Social Media love story. 

 

The Advertisement: 

Hello, clearly you are a very lucky person as either you/your family/friends/co-workers/boss read my blog and have come across my attempts to create a Social Media love story. 

So sit back, enjoy the warm glow of success and read on, because there is good news: 

That’s right my fellow singleton, you have found the greatest offer this year, this is better then 0% Finance, better then the DFS sale and even better then the 25% off Bathroom units at B&Q because it's free.

What will you get for your money? 

You will get a man who can cook, has his own house, a good job and a ground-breaking car that revolutionised the small car market; at least it did in 1985. 

Modern-man is house broken, can make a bed and recent upgrades have produced the skill to make a nice cuppa and the ability to sew. Cups of tea can be combined with running you a hot bubbly bath and/or breakfast in bed. 

Optional extras will include flower buying, dining out, walks on the beach, romantic picnics, unlimited hugs and professional hoovering, all available on request. Ability to polish and actually clean the bathroom properly is expected at the end of spring 2011. DIY know-how not expected until 2013

So don't delay grab your limited edition modern-man* today.

Just click on Contact and email the address given. If you're not totally satisfied with your purchase we will provide you with a refund.**

*Modern-man may still have "20th century-man" software which may result in occasional farting, swearing, burping, hogging of the TV, not listening to you and some grumpiness.

** Subject to terms and conditions and product being returned in original packaging undamaged in anyway

 

 

 

27 years ago tomorrow you were celebrating your 36th birthday with a new baby boy, I don't know how you felt on that day and I don't know what dreams and fears you had for the newest and final addition to your family but I can take a few educated guesses.

Deep down I hope that more of the dreams you had were realised then the fears and I hope that your baby has in the most part made you proud.

He certainly wouldn't be the man he is today without your love, guidance and the occasional firm hand.

I remember when you would have a quiet word in my ear to do something for someone else when I didn't want to. Times when I would come running into the front room when Liverpool scored because you couldn't watch the game. The chats we would have about football or rugby scores, tales you would tell me about growing up Liverpool.

Refereeing arguments between me and Dad during England/Wales rugby matches, washing the rugby team’s kit, cheering on the sidelines on a cold wet Sunday morning. Helping with the History assignment that was due the next day.

Holding me when I somersaulted on your bed and nearly broke my neck, taking my hand and comforting me when I had to break the news of the end of my relationship with 'As' mum. Even though you were angry at me for how it happened and worried for mine and my daughters future.

The fact that you are always on the end of a phone for each one of us and ready to drop anything to come to our need. That you showed pride in me when I passed my GCSEs and A-Levels even though you know I didn't achieve what I could of. That you didn't force me to come home when I dropped out of University, that you let me take my own path.

Teaching me how to cook dishes when I didn't know how, taking the 5 minuet phone call to advise on what I needed in order to cook a certain meal as I rushed from train station to supermarket to home.

Cooking my favourite meal when I come home and saving me some flapjacks, for doing table presents at Christmas. That you still do stockings for your grown up children even though you said you'd stop years ago.

That you are instilling the same values in my daughter as you instilled in me. That the proudest day of my life was when you held my baby in your arms and you became 'Grammy.' It didn't happen the way it should've but not only do you have a doting son you also have a Granddaughter who would also be lost without you.

I am thankful for everything you have given me, I have your sense of humour, your taste in music, love of history and I hope your compassion.

But most of all I am thankful for your unconditional love and support, which without I wouldn't be half the man I am today.

I don't say I love you or thank you nearly enough.

So it is here for you to read whenever.

Thank you Mum, I love you and happy birthday.

Love Your Baby Boy xx

 

NB* The pictures above are of Mum holding 'A' the day after she was born and me at my christening- couldn't get the other photo before being home as my sister (when aged 5 I think) 'polished' it and it can no longer be taken out. kids hey! 

There was a moment that arose over this weekend with ‘A’ that made me think about how I am bringing her up and what my influences are. We were playing Chess and she got upset at stages. Before I delve into this moment, let me give you a bit of background.

I am a competitive person, always have been always will be. I’m not the best everything, in fact I would say I’m kind of average but I always did my best and for most of my childhood I won stuff. Only when I entered Grammar school did I start to lose, well not lose but not come first.

The most vivid memory of losing came at sports day in year 9, I had for years been beaten by this one other lad at the 100 and 200 meters, I was always second, it annoyed the hell out of me. I’m not for running nowadays and to be honest I wasn’t much then, to me sport was team games not individual efforts but I really wanted to beat this kid. I had for the first time in about 3 years the opportunity to beat this guy in the 100 meters- and I was winning for 90/95 meters of it until- I fell over. That’s right the wretched (uneven) grass track caused me to lose my footing and tumble over, hit the deck and roll over the finish in second- bloody second again. This had been my one and only opportunity to beat him (he was just recovering from flu) and I lost my opportunity. As a result of this fall I had also broken my wrist, so in the end I did get sympathy from the girl which wasn’t all that bad.

If I could turn back the clock I would go back to that day to take advantage of this moment. Beyond that my competitive side stayed within team sports, I played for a successful youth rugby team and we were good very good, over time we all went our different ways but for the majority of my youth I played and was good at rugby- despite my size. I also sailed, the competitiveness there was not so much about beating the other boats but more trying to be better if not as good as my older brothers. Ultimately I came to the conclusion I never would be and as I didn’t really enjoy sailing that much it kind of went by the way side, I justified it by knowing I was good at rugby and my brothers were good at other things. I never fought to be the best academically because well I knew I wasn’t and entering Uni that became my downfall. In my late teens my competitive streak came to the surface in getting the girl. To be fair, I was in part successful with this. It’s not something I am particularly proud of now and to be honest I wish I still had that overconfidence with women because now I am most definitely at a total loss about them and I don’t chase for fear of rejection, I’d rather not start the competition then face losing.

In my early 20s my competiveness came about from climbing the dirty corporate ladder as quickly as I could. This was to the detriment of my young family and nearly to my own health, now in my new job and on a new career route it is not so much down to wanting to be number and more about building something and being successful within a team and hopefully training others up to do the same. The one thing I now have I didn’t in my early 20s is the appreciation of time and the sense that good things come to those who wait.  There are processes and strategies to build, solid foundations to put down etc…

So there you go I am a competitive guy, I am not shy about this, I believe competition is good for the soul, good for building character and a good driver forward. It without doubt comes from my Dad, who himself is incredibly successful and if anything my desire to compete and succeed comes from a need to better or at least match his achievements. He is very much a driving force for me, he has pushed me at times and I have not always been appreciative of that but there is not a day that goes by that I do not value his input into my life and whilst I will not always agree with him he is usually right.

Now the issue and what came up over the weekend is how do I guide my beautiful daughter into healthy competition without either making her a corrupt egotistical win at all costs person or someone who is so scared of failure she will never compete.

As anyone with kids will know, sometimes you have to let them win, as my parents and siblings did with me (I was a bad loser as a child- the story of a particular board game being thrown around because I was going to lose. Cheating at monopoly and cluedo are common anecdotes about me growing up).  

There are three lessons I want ‘A’ to learn, first of all- losing is ok if you tried your best (sometimes you will just get beat by a better more talented person). Just because you don’t win doesn’t mean you should not try and competition is good for you. I’m not one of these who believe every child should get a medal for trying- life isn’t like that and in the long wrong (in my opinion) this will just damage the kids.

During our game of Chess- which to be fair is a tough game for a 5 year old to grasp ‘A’ got annoyed because she couldn’t do what she wanted and nearly gave up because I was winning. Now granted she is only 5, BUT if she doesn’t learn to follow the rules to things now she never will. I didn’t let her get away with any cheating, she had to play by the rules or we wouldn’t play. We got over that hurdle and went on to play and yes to a certain extent I let her win. I was trying to teach the skill in Chess and get her to think about what she was doing, so there were plenty of double moves and plenty of ‘set ups’ by me. (By the way if anyone reading this thinks I’m good at Chess, I’m not I just know the rules).  The point being and I think this is where a game like Chess is so valuable, you have to think one step ahead, you have to be aware of what your next action will result in- something I think even the most mature grown up struggles with at times.

The issue came at the end when she triumphantly sung ‘I’ve got your King, I’ve got your King.’ For a moment and I’m being honest here, this annoyed me. This is not how you win, yes be triumphant but you should not be smug or rude about beating someone else. (Especially when they let put you in a position- not that she knew that).

Along with teaching her to lose well, I also want her to understand what it is to win well, to win in a gracious manner. My instant thought was to play another game be ruthless and I think I may have tweeted this thought- “kick her ass.”

I didn’t and whilst I am proud of her for sticking with the game and playing by the rules, it left me feeling quite conflicted. How do I teach my daughter how to win and to lose? And more importantly is this something I need to worry about? After all she is only 5?

Thoughts on a postcard folks or for ease just drop a comment below.

Thanks

Oli 

Let’s face it, I’m a salesman, I had a child out of wed-lock, I swear on occasions, I don’t go to church- so I’m pretty much stuffed either way. The chances are I will be going to the fiery pit rather then the fluffy white clouds in the sky.

What did I sell my soul for?

Well a few weeks ago I received an email asking if I would like to receive a t-shirt for free, as long as I wrote a review about it on my blog. The question I mulled over was, do I really do this? After all that’s not what this blog is about, its about me, my occasional opinions on random subjects and most importantly about my life trying to be a Dad to my Daughter once every 2 weeks. Also bloggers are, in general self-indulgent and mildly narcissistic, otherwise why would we write about well us? Thats for another day, back to the free stuff issues....

 

So I mulled it over and mulled it over and then settled on the above justification, and anyway who doesn’t like getting free stuff?

I emailed back and got said T-Shirt and this is the required review.

The T-shirt came from Martin at www.tshirtprinting.net it is the t-shirt I am wearing above. And I bloody love it.

The material is very comfortable, it has been washed and there are no obvious issues following the wash and best of all is the logo.

When I got the T-shirt I had ‘A’ for the weekend and she loved it to, mainly because it’s got the monkey face on the front.

This lead on to many conversations about Monkey’s that she is my little monkey, did I get a Monkey T-shirt because I’m a monkey? Etc….

Not really sure what else to say in this ‘review’ after all it is only a t-shirt but a good quality one at that and it has happily become one of my favourite t-shirts.

So PR people and companies out there, my soul is well and truly up for grabs- please do send me free stuff and I shall review it just for you. – Specifically Apple, if you want the ipad2 tested don’t fret to send one over….. please!

Here’s to free stuff….

Oli 

Definition, courtesy of Wikipedia

“Human resources is a term used to describe the individuals who make up the workforce of an organization, although it is also applied in labor economics to, for example, business sectors or even whole nations. Human resources is also the name of the function within an organization charged with the overall responsibility for implementing strategies and policies relating to the management of individuals (i.e. the human resources). This function title is often abbreviated to the initials 'HR'.

Human resources is a relatively modern management term, coined as early as the 1960s - when humanity took a shift as human rights came to a brighter light during the Vietnam Era. ^[1] The origins of the function arose in organizations that introduced 'welfare management' practices and also in those that adopted the principles of 'scientific management'. From these terms emerged a largely administrative management activity, coordinating a range of worker related processes and becoming known, in time, as the 'personnel function'. Human resources progressively became the more usual name for this function, in the first instance in the United States as well as multinational or international corporations, reflecting the adoption of a more quantitative as well as strategic approach to workforce management, demanded by corporate management to gain a competitive advantage, utilizing limited skilled and highly skilled workers”

 

Right, so first things first why am I of all people writing about HR? Well here’s way,

1: There is one person out there who completely changed my opinion of Recruitment Consultants- that person by the way is our favourite intrepid explorer Sarah Knight.

2: I read HR blogs for some bizarre reason, those who read my last blog will have seen my recommendation for My Hell is Other People. I’ve read a few others than that one but only one  other sticks out- Recruit Girl (by Katie McNab) – although I don’t read it now.  Also there seems to be an undertone within the Recruitment industry that it needs to change (or actually much more than an undertone but I’ve only picked the ‘undertone’).  I have only glanced at this there is no serious research here but from what I can see, no one appears to be asking outside of the industry- are you asking the cogs?  

3: I speak on the whole to 15 to 20 Recruitment Agencies a day, the REC directory is now my bible. The other people are generally HR Managers or people responsible for Recruitment-type functions.

4: The Industry intrigues me.

5: 2 things in my teens happened that related to HR, 1 those stupid tests you have to take at school about what career you should pursue suggested I should be an HR manager and 2 having done some work experience at my Dad’s work someone suggested I would make a good HR person…. I didn’t take it as a compliment at the time.

I hope I have defended my right to write about a subject I realistically I have no experience of. (of course I regularly comment on subjects I shouldn’t, politics etc… - well I have an opinion so here it is- (anyone else notice I'm feeling a bit tetchy about ths?)

What were my opinions of HR/Recruitment people?

Well first of all there are two distinctions here- in my head that is- I may be wrong and it is probably a lot more complex but here goes. There are Recruitment consultants and internal HR people. Forgive me if there are recruiters reading this and it’s coming across a bit dumbed down but well I am sometimes.

Internal HR people

To be honest I have very little experience of them, because during my time in a large institution they sat far away in an ivory tower in London- effectively they were a voice, internal number with options, yet they held the keys to me having a work life balance. Decisions were made never by talking to me or any other staff that I was aware of but by filling out ‘surveys’ each year that seemed pointless. The results by area, department and region just got aggregated into a big pot that made it all look ok. Local line managers would carry out certain HR functions but let’s face it they’re not recruiters or trained HR people so effectively nothing more than the mouth piece of the ivory tower.

Recruitment Consultants

Ugh, really low opinion. The reason for this is due to (primarily) the large ‘high street’ recruitment agencies. My first real experience of recruitment consultants came last summer. First of all, if you don’t have the job don’t fucking advertise it and tell me ‘it’s just been filled.’ If all you want to start with is my information- then email me the forms and I’ll email you back, only drag me in to meet you if you intend to actually discuss my career ambitions, dreams, experience and skill sets- don’t just get me in to fill out my name and address. (oh and whilst I’m on it- all that information is on my bloody CV so why do I need to put it on your crappy internal forms?). If you don’t have a job for me tell me, if you’re talking to people about me, tell me. Don’t lie to me about this amazing relationship you have with an employer I’d like to work for. And most important of all call me when you say you’re going to call – why the hell should I chase you, I’m your freaking meal ticket. Don’t devalue your integral function, after all if there weren’t Recruiters where the hell would we be?

That was my opinion; it has changed to an extent.

It has changed because of Sarah Knight of Sarah West Recruitment. Sarah took the time to meet when was convenient to me, she spoke to me like a human being not a product, she worked her ass of for me. Yes I know she will been paid for getting me placed but it never felt like that. When I turned down a job opportunity, Sarah was straight on the phone telling me off because she knew what I wanted she knew this job would be the job for me and she was bang on. Sarah knew this because she had taken the time to talk to me not to make me fill out forms. This wasn’t matching a CV to a job spec, this was taking a person and matching them to a company and a career path – not just a job.

This is how internal HR departments and Recruiters should treat the people they deal with and no other way. Am I being idealistic? Yes but well shouldn’t we always aim for the ideal outcomes?

The reason I have vented my opinion here is because people, in my opinion, are an incredibly valuable commodity and if you don’t treat them right, turn them into a number, make them a cog or just see them as a piece of meat to harvest you will inevitably get placed on the professional ladder somewhere between money grabbing Politicians and blood sucking Lawyers, just under risk taking Bank Managers and a smidge above the slimey Estate Agent.

Rant over.

Oli

PS: This is a wild generalisation, it is from my experience, it is also supposed to show there are good egg’s out there like Sarah. For the record I used to be a Bank Manager- so I know what it’s like to be the joke at a dinner party (well, not that I was ever invited of course, what with being a Bank Manager and all).  

 

(Just to clarify the above pic, has nothing to do with this blog. I just found and it made me laugh). 

Quite often, I’ll go for weeks without the creative juices flowing and when they do too many ideas come at once and whilst I’m sure I should write them down, keep a bits and pieces blog, bring ‘em altogether and post every now etc.. It normally results in writing several, finishing none and ending with something completely different to any of the original ideas.

 

So in order to put everything down in one, here are 3 mini-blogs in one (I hope they stay mini).

Reading and stuff

I have, of late, been rather annoyed at myself for not reading enough. Mostly I blame my Housemate who does read and has many more books than me. I have a rather old fashioned opinion of books, they are the source of all knowledge, everything a book encompasses is magical. The smell, its weight, the feel of the pages, the way the ink sits raised on the page, or doesn’t. Paperbacks that get dog-eared quickly, spines that break up, the cover itself. They are, in my opinion very evocative items.

I have plenty of books all of which I would enjoy reading. I still have Eric Claptons Auto-biography to finish and a monster biography on JFK to get through having started it 5 years ago. This said I did realise today I actually do read a lot. So despite the emotions books evoke I am seeking the knowledge that is held in the written word. On average, I read a handful of different blogs regularly, several other blogs when they tip up on Twitter, plenty of news stories online and occasionally a paper. Why am I telling you this? Well because, I assume (and I haven’t done a poll on this but) those of you who read my blog probably read others or write your own. So here are my top 5 blogs (in no particular order).

1: My Hell is Other People – by @theHRD

If you are of a sensitive disposition or cannot take things with a pinch of salt then I would advise you don’t read this blog. If, however you are a normal human-being read it because it is fucking amazing. Specifically “The Strength to be different” 

2: British Medical Jobs – by @Job_Doctor (aka April my colleague).

Yes ok, it is a blog written for my employer by our Marketing Manager April, but it is also very well written, thoughtful and with plenty of insight. For the record I started reading it before I joined the company.

3: Bobblehead Dad – by @jimhigley

Awesome guy, great blog, very inspiring and can’t wait for the book.

4: Gary Franklin’s Blog – by @garyfranklin

Recently discovered and recently very much enjoyed.

5: OnlyDads – by @onlydads and others

Bob inspired me to start my blog, it’s great to be able to read more of his advice and experience.

 

Going Home

Some of you may have noticed I was away this weekend. I went back to the first city I called home as an adult. Swansea was the place where I bought my first house, failed a few driving tests, learnt many many lessons and most important of all the city where ‘A’ was born.

There is no doubt that there was a lump in my throat as I drove down the old roads, although a lot had changed. I deliberately went past my old student house, the first flat and over to the house we bought in 2005.

I sat on our old road with memories, saw the people that lived there now walk back from the Sainsbury’s and in to the ‘red house’ as ‘A’ calls it. For a moment the rose tinted glasses were on, my initial thought was bastards- that should still be us. But that didn’t last long, everything over the last 2 years and probably closer to 3 years blew those early days out. So in my head I hoped the couple now in the red house where happy and moved on, physically and mentally.

I will always regard Swansea as my first grown up home but it’s not the green grass I remembered it was when the shit hit the fan down here. One day I’ll go back but not yet and not now.

Valentine’s Day

Well to be honest it’s quite a sucky day, I do prefer the term ‘Single Awareness Day.’ For me it has particular ill meaning, as 2 years ago ‘A’s mum and me split with up with my most infamous phrase- ‘I can’t do this anymore.’ I had hit breaking point, it was the end of line for me and for our family. 2 years on and I’m ok-  I had a quiet lovely evening in, with no pressures, no expectations and comfortable in my own skin for the first time in a long while.

So there you go folks 3 blogs in 1.

Oli   

PS: As a side note because of an ad just run. I have a confession, I am really sorry but I don’t find Ricky Gervais funny, nor do I like the Office, UK or US version. Does that make me a heathen? 

On Saturday afternoon, whilst I popped out for a smoke in the garden, 'A' was left playing on the futon sofa with her toys. My smoke was then interrupted by said small person as there was something very important I had to see- apparently. 

What I had to see is the picture above. We have a whiteboard in the middle room, I have no idea why she decided to to write a message for me but it absolutley melted my heart. (Despite the spelling issues). The next moments were lovely, 'A' telling me that she thought it would make me happy and she wanted me to smile and just that she loved me. Now I hadn't been particularly sad that day, to be honest I'm never grumpy with her around, it was quite simply the cutest thing ever. 

This is why I want to be a Dad again, any parent reading this will be able to recall moments when your child or children have just absolutley melted your heart and left you lost for words. Moments of un-requested, unexpected slices of unconditional love. This what makes being a parent so great. 

There have been numerous moments over the years when my little blondie has left me speechless, not all like the one above. Finding out her results on spelling tests (we have been very good to date), the first time she walked, the first time we took her sailing, her insaitiable apettite for knowledge. The pride and love she has for her family. The running hugs I get, the dissaproving looks I get when I smoke or do something I considered funny but actually wasn't. 

These are moments that sadly I now get in short supply but they are treasured every single time.

Being a Dad is without a doubt the most important job any man can have and even if you don't have your kids every day like me you still must be that Dad.:

Of course behind a great Dad then is normally a great Mum as well.